Elf@Wine

From my last post, it has been a very long time. my life changes a lot in this period of time. i did very badly in my examinations and im at a loss. from the day i receive my results till now, in fact im still at a loss. trying to recover back but im sure its going to stick in my mind for a pretty long time. after so many obstacles, i actually trip badly in my last hurdle. but then i realise something. sometimes you will not reap in joy even u sow with lots of tears. life is not always smooth sailing. been very busy lately with university admission paper work. although i know my chance is slim but im giving a try . im mentally tired for all this. faced some problems with my employer when i actually wanted to resign. still in the process of discussion. i hope i can leave end of april. i want to rest, enjoy doing what i like to do before i leave for my tertiary education. planning to pick up scuba diving and im looking forward for it. it’s always my wish to explore mother nature and diving is my first priority. im still doing fine here. still kicking alive.haha.:)

……….. <- this explains what im thinking and feeling about. i dont know what is this feeling called. sad? no..happy? no..frust? no..im doing fine here in singapore. but i simply cant get very happy. i dont know why. day by day im busy with part-time job here. but when its march, im not feeling good. maybe its because 16th of march is near. the judgement day i name it. 12 years of school life and 11 days to the judgement day, which ultimately determines where im heading to. im sure im not going to do well although im dying for excellent results. how irony i can be. retrospect how i manage to sit for all the government exams from primary 3 to pre-u. haha..seems proud of myself. time flies. remember the 1st time i sat for an official exams is when im in primary 3. thats was 10 years back. enough about that. nothing makes me sad here but i just couldnt bring a smile on my face. a natural one. the mental stress is too much. im always wondering, what if i cant do well? what if my result is just a mediocre one? what if i cant get to my ideal course in uni? these questions never stop prompting in my head. regardless day or night. i know the journey back home from singapore on the 16th would be the longest journey ever im going to go through. i wonder what’s going to prompt in my head the minute i step on the bus? the minute i reach the school gate? the minute i stand in front of my teacher? and the minute when i flip open my result slip? so many ‘what if’ in the month of march. maybe i should set a positive way of thinking. trying hard to but i think i cant. done with my nonsense and yet im ………..

maybe it will last till 16th of march

Good luck my fellow compatriots!