Elf@Wine

Went to the school today to get STPM cert. the 16 of march trauma is still there. no doubt. i still couldnt get over it. right at the tiny corner of my brain, i am still holding on to the faith that great miracles might happen. but reality is still reality. will never forget 16 March 2006. the day i committed suicide.

one more thing,

Cherish the moments together, Fleeting they may be, Once departed, Only memories remain. A loving memory, a joyful moment and I treasure you and hold you close to my heart. In loving memory of

                     My Nike Slipper

                   2003 - October 2006

             Departed on 12 October 2006

Deeply missed, forever loved and remembered by your owner.

wuwuwuwu~ :’(

Last day at bp before gearing up for finals on the 31st. back for 6 days since last thursday, resting and slacking a lot. reached at about 5.30 last thursday after microbiology class in the morning. not much changes at home. but maybe staying at home for the 1st time more than a weekend, revive a lot of images of the past.
sitting in front of the pc late at night is my daily routine before i enter uni. checking mails, msn-ing and surfing the net aimlessly. flipped back my dive log book and flliping through the file rack on my study table, time flew. after the finals, thats the end of the 1st sem.
basically, spent my 6 days at home, and most of the time with wee yi, pei lu and toh. no holidays for the others. so only the 4 of us left at bp. back to the ‘olden days’..haha..yeah..makan makan, minum minum. thats what we did for the past few days. but seriously i’d been sleeping a lot at home. maybe im really tired after the non-stop quiz rally. but have to start mugging (the Singapore way) tomorrow. if not, im not going to make it for the finals. well, suffer for another 3 more weeks i suppose and its another holiday before the next sem starts. so, study mug lol.
wish me luck guys. wishing everyone the best.

p/s: mugging/mug means study (my friend in Singapore taught me) hehe

Its 5.18am. Im not an early bird. its just that i did not sleep. well, this has been my routine for a few days, due to exams. not the last minute preparation. just that sleeping early before exams makes me feel insecure. as if i havent been studying. so, i’ll just pump whatever its in the book or the notes even its a minute left before exams. things are not going smoothly. im not sailing through. lots of downs than ups. just had my physiology assessment yesterday. i have no idea how well i did because most of the time it turns out to be the worse. anyway, most probably, the results will be out in less than 3 hours time. just keep my finger crossed. i have tried my best. thats it. staying up tonight is for some tutorials and some revision. we are all too focused on exams which actually causes us to neglect the norm lecture and notes. so, no choice, have to do some revision.

sometimes i am not so sure whether i am eligible enough to take up tough courses which are meant for geniuses. disgraceful marks on an exam sheets with my name written on it, im starting to wonder. at this point of time, its maybe not about how hard you work. everyone is working hard. the determining factor is how smart you are. when you sow in tears, you’ll reap in joy. im doubting this proverb.

everyone is working hard. everyone is serious bout being successful in his or her field of work or studies. people around me are breaking down. smiley faces getting lesser and lesser. same to me. smilling less, less haha session. i spent more time in deep thought. thinking whats the best plan or strategies to overcome all these. if im not born to be intelligent, the only way to work things out is to be extra hardworking. i think thats the best and im working hard on that. at this point of time, is passing sufficient or its a must to score?

will be going back to bp this thursday for a short break. but finals coming up right after depa and raya. meeting up some friends i think. but basically, i want a rest so that i am all out for my finals. more results releasing these last few days of 1st sem. im prepared for the worse but i am hoping for the best. i think i flung my papers. sigh.. havent been sleeping well for a very long time. i need a good sleep.

Im in a state of shock. just sat my health care paper which i think i screwed the paper again. im shock not because of that. series of imbecile exams results leads me to an awe. im trying hard to climb to the top and eventually im in the bottom. i’ve put in extra effort…im serious but nothing turns out well…what actually happen? looking at those disgraceful exams paper with my name written on it, im looking down on myself. suddenly realise im so incompetent. super sad now. super super super sad. what can i do. i’ve done everything that i should do. but the results are just toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo disappointing, farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr away from my expectation. such a disgrace..disgrace…DISGRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghh……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..