Elf@Wine

How i wish i could turn back time, do well in stpm, enrol into my desire uni and study my desire course. how i simply wish………

Its holiday! duh..it actually started 9 days ago. my holiday started with a haste yet enjoyable short trip to ipoh and cameron highland. ipoh - a blend of old and new scenario. it could be rows of japanese occupation building and new buildings just a stone throw away. exceptional toothsome and yummy food. sllrrppp..:) cameron highland - nice weather but turns super cold at night. thumbs up for the soothing environment. makes me super lazy. hehe

well thats all i could say. almost a week at home and i have 1 phrase for everyone. Im super duper boring. yeah, its boring staying at home the whole week. the clock ticks like tortoise and im lagging the whole week repeating the same routine. brunch-tv-online-tv-tea break-tv-dinner-tv-online-ZZzzzzZzZ. but at the very least , just went out with toh and sze yea. just the 3 of us but we couldnt stop talking. hopefully this is a good introduction for my sem break and signifies the end of the boring week. so, a little confetti for a wonderful beginning.

well, the other good thing back at home is that im back for survivor and amazing race. so i have 3 important things to follow up. firstly survivor: cook island, amazing race 10 and last but not least amazing race asia. what a lame thing to follow up but no choice. this is the best thing, the most educational stuff i could think off during the break. at least i know abseiling down 8th floors in times square and also the helsinky olympic stadium tower face down is not impossible, provided if you watch amazing race. haha.

getting food is the easiest back at home. makan-ing a lot and im sure im undergoing appositional growth.

The gist of it is that, somehow i dislike holidays, prefer the studying days minus exams.

3 down and 2 to go. 2 more papers before we end the sem with a full-stop. Its 12.30am now and i have another paper at 2.15pm later. i am not sure how well i did or how badly i did for my finals. keep my finger cross and hope for the best. sem break officially starts this friday after physiology paper. i will use the month to rest, to prepare mentally for cretin exams result and to plan how i should change myself totally to bring out the best in me. maybe i should live like the 2003 me. retrospect 2003, i pushed myself over my limits and it ended with prodigious results and im contented.

The month of november, is a month to remember. 376 and a quater days ago, it was a fine evening. as usual, after dinner i would sit and mug. but that night was exceptional. i felt uneasy. i placed my palm over my forehead and t was warm. i open the drawer and took 2 paracetamol down into my stomach. my mum came back from the hospital after visiting my brother who were admitted due to dengue fever. i did not let them know im not feeling well. my mind was only thinking and telling myself ‘im just tired. nothing’s going to happen. STPM is my life. im not allowing myself to break down’.

it was sunday. after 4 days of self-deceiving, i fainted on the way to have breakfast after check up at the hospital. i had no choice but to pack my books and bring it to the hospital. i smile to those who visited me. i asked my parents to go back home. the books i brought was redundant. no matter how hard i concentrate, i cant focus at all and im just too tired for that. 1 week in the hospital, i defeated not only physically but also mentally. at that point of time, i knew im going to screw up all my papers and thats the end of everything. 16th of march proves everything. i screwed and i fumbled.

it has been a year. the image is still fresh in my mind. but that was the past. its still the greatest set back in my 19 years life. as for my final exam this sem, i know i did not perform to my best maybe because im still defeated mentally. i have decided. to be the 2003 me starting next sem. its a bit tough but i know im able to endure whatever excrutiating circumstances because i ’survived’ 16th of march.

i dont want to disappoint myself, my parents and those who pin high hopes on me. even if i do, at least i know i tried my best.

i miss the 2003 me. but im sure im not going to just ‘miss’ but to ‘be’ very soon.