Elf@Wine

3 down and 2 to go. 2 more papers before we end the sem with a full-stop. Its 12.30am now and i have another paper at 2.15pm later. i am not sure how well i did or how badly i did for my finals. keep my finger cross and hope for the best. sem break officially starts this friday after physiology paper. i will use the month to rest, to prepare mentally for cretin exams result and to plan how i should change myself totally to bring out the best in me. maybe i should live like the 2003 me. retrospect 2003, i pushed myself over my limits and it ended with prodigious results and im contented.

The month of november, is a month to remember. 376 and a quater days ago, it was a fine evening. as usual, after dinner i would sit and mug. but that night was exceptional. i felt uneasy. i placed my palm over my forehead and t was warm. i open the drawer and took 2 paracetamol down into my stomach. my mum came back from the hospital after visiting my brother who were admitted due to dengue fever. i did not let them know im not feeling well. my mind was only thinking and telling myself ‘im just tired. nothing’s going to happen. STPM is my life. im not allowing myself to break down’.

it was sunday. after 4 days of self-deceiving, i fainted on the way to have breakfast after check up at the hospital. i had no choice but to pack my books and bring it to the hospital. i smile to those who visited me. i asked my parents to go back home. the books i brought was redundant. no matter how hard i concentrate, i cant focus at all and im just too tired for that. 1 week in the hospital, i defeated not only physically but also mentally. at that point of time, i knew im going to screw up all my papers and thats the end of everything. 16th of march proves everything. i screwed and i fumbled.

it has been a year. the image is still fresh in my mind. but that was the past. its still the greatest set back in my 19 years life. as for my final exam this sem, i know i did not perform to my best maybe because im still defeated mentally. i have decided. to be the 2003 me starting next sem. its a bit tough but i know im able to endure whatever excrutiating circumstances because i ’survived’ 16th of march.

i dont want to disappoint myself, my parents and those who pin high hopes on me. even if i do, at least i know i tried my best.

i miss the 2003 me. but im sure im not going to just ‘miss’ but to ‘be’ very soon.

Went to the school today to get STPM cert. the 16 of march trauma is still there. no doubt. i still couldnt get over it. right at the tiny corner of my brain, i am still holding on to the faith that great miracles might happen. but reality is still reality. will never forget 16 March 2006. the day i committed suicide.

one more thing,

Cherish the moments together, Fleeting they may be, Once departed, Only memories remain. A loving memory, a joyful moment and I treasure you and hold you close to my heart. In loving memory of

                     My Nike Slipper

                   2003 - October 2006

             Departed on 12 October 2006

Deeply missed, forever loved and remembered by your owner.

wuwuwuwu~ :’(

Last day at bp before gearing up for finals on the 31st. back for 6 days since last thursday, resting and slacking a lot. reached at about 5.30 last thursday after microbiology class in the morning. not much changes at home. but maybe staying at home for the 1st time more than a weekend, revive a lot of images of the past.
sitting in front of the pc late at night is my daily routine before i enter uni. checking mails, msn-ing and surfing the net aimlessly. flipped back my dive log book and flliping through the file rack on my study table, time flew. after the finals, thats the end of the 1st sem.
basically, spent my 6 days at home, and most of the time with wee yi, pei lu and toh. no holidays for the others. so only the 4 of us left at bp. back to the ‘olden days’..haha..yeah..makan makan, minum minum. thats what we did for the past few days. but seriously i’d been sleeping a lot at home. maybe im really tired after the non-stop quiz rally. but have to start mugging (the Singapore way) tomorrow. if not, im not going to make it for the finals. well, suffer for another 3 more weeks i suppose and its another holiday before the next sem starts. so, study mug lol.
wish me luck guys. wishing everyone the best.

p/s: mugging/mug means study (my friend in Singapore taught me) hehe

Its 5.18am. Im not an early bird. its just that i did not sleep. well, this has been my routine for a few days, due to exams. not the last minute preparation. just that sleeping early before exams makes me feel insecure. as if i havent been studying. so, i’ll just pump whatever its in the book or the notes even its a minute left before exams. things are not going smoothly. im not sailing through. lots of downs than ups. just had my physiology assessment yesterday. i have no idea how well i did because most of the time it turns out to be the worse. anyway, most probably, the results will be out in less than 3 hours time. just keep my finger crossed. i have tried my best. thats it. staying up tonight is for some tutorials and some revision. we are all too focused on exams which actually causes us to neglect the norm lecture and notes. so, no choice, have to do some revision.

sometimes i am not so sure whether i am eligible enough to take up tough courses which are meant for geniuses. disgraceful marks on an exam sheets with my name written on it, im starting to wonder. at this point of time, its maybe not about how hard you work. everyone is working hard. the determining factor is how smart you are. when you sow in tears, you’ll reap in joy. im doubting this proverb.

everyone is working hard. everyone is serious bout being successful in his or her field of work or studies. people around me are breaking down. smiley faces getting lesser and lesser. same to me. smilling less, less haha session. i spent more time in deep thought. thinking whats the best plan or strategies to overcome all these. if im not born to be intelligent, the only way to work things out is to be extra hardworking. i think thats the best and im working hard on that. at this point of time, is passing sufficient or its a must to score?

will be going back to bp this thursday for a short break. but finals coming up right after depa and raya. meeting up some friends i think. but basically, i want a rest so that i am all out for my finals. more results releasing these last few days of 1st sem. im prepared for the worse but i am hoping for the best. i think i flung my papers. sigh.. havent been sleeping well for a very long time. i need a good sleep.

Im in a state of shock. just sat my health care paper which i think i screwed the paper again. im shock not because of that. series of imbecile exams results leads me to an awe. im trying hard to climb to the top and eventually im in the bottom. i’ve put in extra effort…im serious but nothing turns out well…what actually happen? looking at those disgraceful exams paper with my name written on it, im looking down on myself. suddenly realise im so incompetent. super sad now. super super super sad. what can i do. i’ve done everything that i should do. but the results are just toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo disappointing, farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr away from my expectation. such a disgrace..disgrace…DISGRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghh……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Its 1.52am and my nose starts to sneeze. im used to it but praying hard it will not last for days as assessment are queuing up nicely just before the study break. most of the lectures are ending signifies the end of 1st sem. well of course more test and exams soon. time really flies. from the 1st day of orientation where everyone were strangers till today where the class are getting livelier with laughter everyday. basically still kicking alive here in kl. not really satisfied with my assessments result. no choice, have to work a few times harder. had our last lab last week and thats it, no more grueling lab reports. nothing special happened these few weeks. everyone’s busy with exams, i suppose. smses and phone calls getting lesser. but recently, got kinda hook up with youtube. thats the source of multimedia entertainment for me. i watched how Hady Mirza sings his heart out with the best rendition of sheila majid’s Lagenda and all the way till he win the idol title with the almost perfect rendition of ‘You Give Me Wings’. The best thing with youtube is i get to watch things which are not shown on tv. things which are closer to reality. anyway, just to share with you guy a vid. taken by a group of scuba divers in sipadan island. that was really really awesome.

Sipadan island - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isygHXhxb7M

of course im not in the vids. by the way, got an email from my diving instructor last week about a diving trip to sipadan in november. wanted so much to go but i cant, due to financial constrain. so basically, i’ve been watching lotsa diving vids and sg idol via youtube. oh ya, i get to watch a japanese drama series based on a true story. an inspiring drama about how determined a girl suffering from Spinocerebellar ataxia can be to live. its indeed inspiring.

time to really get the brain cracking for exams. all the best guys!

Basically, not a special day. but a short holiday because microbiology lecture cancelled. this week isnt that nice for me. serious sinusitis causes sore throat, cough, headache and slight fever on tuesday. took a 15 minutes walk to the pharmacy, ended up with 10 tablets of cetrizine D which cost me 12 bucks. so expensive. im sure this is not a generic drug. took the medicine and hmm…getting better but then still feeling slight discomfort in my nose and throat. nothing much to grumble about my studies because getting used to lab reports, continuous assessment and tutorials. went back to my hometown last weekend. nth special because not many of them are having holiday. but still manage to go shopping with chern yih and of course a drink with toh, cy, pj and sw at night. everything went back to normal in hometown. norm jocularity and laughter. kinda enjoy it. took the 3pm bus back to kl. a bad jam near bangi area prolong the journey to almost 4 hours.

its the end of the sem soon. all lectures are concluding soon. which means exams soon. continuous assessment coming up for the next few weeks. keep my finger crossed. suppose to take part in the introduction weekend for Raleigh International Kuala Lumpur, i.e. a non-profitable international youth organization, scheduled this weekend. but having organic chemistry quiz next week dampens my mood. so, have to postpone to december. hopefully, i can go that time. lab ending soon and more free time to study. thats the good news for this week. looking forward to sem break and also the 2nd sem because my friend say pharmacology is interesting. but of course expecting a much tougher time as compare to now. kinda sad because of some minor problem between my school and ptptn. hopefully i can get an adequate amount. looking forward for a better quiz result and all the best to me and to my coursemates….we will survive. we are equal to doctors and not helper (quote from Dr. Yeung speech).

Sze Yea’s birthday. happy birthday!the month of august, besides merdeka, its a month of endless tutorials, lab reports and quizzes. more than 100% of my coursemates will agree with all the limbs up!enough about stuff in school. but in norm life, things are getting fun especially weekends. guys going gaga over cooking? thats us. we never fail to whip up decent n sumptious meals every weekend. alternate days we have desserts as well. dining together, enjoying our own masterpieces, its actually the satisfaction that makes us drool, and of course the taste of the food. we aint bad cook! went back to bp 2 weeks ago. met up with wee yi, pei lu, toh and wk. nothing special besides theres car for me to drive, familiar yumcha spots, cosy bed + air cond and internet connection that never dc. although without all these in kl, but it doesnt really make a big diff in my life. i do miss something

a) diving

b) buffet bbq+steamboat at marina bay, sg

c) the haha session back at bp

d) astro <- i miss sports channel the most. the last i watched was wimbledon. sobz

e) nice + cheap hawker food. decent food in kl is so dear

f) sports session. swimming, badminton, bowling. any..just name it

A nice day to blog because the date rhymes. well, 06/06/06 is still a day to remember. my beautiful sunday starts near noon. haha…i love sleeping especially during weekends. alright, back to the topic in school. it has been a month in uni. life is busy. suffocated with tonnes of lap reports and lecture notes. but then, its nice to be busy. topic of discussion in school, besides the daily jocularity, lab reports especially seems to be the hottest topic of the season. lab session is fun, but not when you are stuck with the report. its like putting the apron on before savouring the best home-cooked food. certainly taste much better than ‘tapau’ food. now lets talk bout food. cooking is now part of our life - during weekends. its really cool to see packets of raw food turns into a table of edible delicacies. no doubt. its the best dinner i’ve ever had. great taste + great satisfaction. yum!. about the menu, its new every week and we just had sweet potato soup for supper. anyway, going back to bp next week. its going to be fun because some of them are going back too. so, im looking forward for a nice chit-chatting and gathering session. lets chat till our jaws drop!haha…my housemates must be wondering, how can a person <- me, with so many lab reports and revision to do, still wears a smile everyday and taking part in everything <- cooking, cleaning the room, chatting and blogging. but, thats me. nothing fantastic when i bury myself in books and gets myself frustrated. *so, i decided to just be my usual self and of course still studylar. see what will happen in the finals. well, experimenting has been part of my life now. besides those serious stuff in the lab, i do experiment everyday. on people behaviours on small tiny stuff like personal hygiene, responsibility and of course to myself. the best example, read  *.haha..i am mad. back to serious stuff, robbery and snatch theft is like a part of kl now. everyday, everywhere. is that the side-effects of a metropolitan with siscerned economic status hierachy?

1 month in uni, 31 happy days on top of the busy schedule. maybe because i made very good uni-mates-friends. thanks guys. just sent an email to a few social associations on my interest to join volunteering work. hope they will reply very very soon. looking forward to that. its nice to be happy everyday but its great to make everyone around you to be as happy as you. well because of these, they take me as a kid. :(….but then, everyone is happy. so, i am happy!…..

University life in KL can be considered great. not because of the attractions in the capital but more importantly, im able to live independently, getting to know new friends and fulfilling everyday with new knowledge. but, im looking forward to a more howling and wondrous varsity life without neglecting my studies. im trying to balance studies and to find other activities that i can learn a lot more things. by the way, im also practising ’stay happy formula’ everyday since i start my varsity life. a simple task with a simple aim i.e. to be happy and providential. im sick of stressful life and it always never ends well. bury in books during stpm, but dengue fever just before the exams crushes my aplomb. the results? damn disappointing. have been looking for social work and volunteering jobs to equip myself with more experience of life. thats one of the major project for the time being besides diving. as for diving, its going to be a lifelong interest since i became open water diver 2 months ago. i want to fill my life with eloquent and significant task. thats the thought of the week. haha…very simple right? i dont have great inventions or thoughts running through my nerves. but i do want to excel in my studies.and yet.. another simple request.

just read my friends blog about his thought on the pride of 5Sc2. we were talking about our secondary school life a few days ago. i happen to be his classmates so was he. 2003 is a year to remember. we had great friends, great warriors of 5Sc2 against a bunch of disdainful, haughty and supercilious people. stupid is what they called us and ignorant is what they always relate us to. just because they are slightly ahead of us in studies. we are secerned when there are great opportunities for us to showcase our talents. but the conclusion is fantastic when some of us did much better than them in spm with streaks of As. kudos and an accolade to all my fellow friends.